I, the Lioness, have been quiet for quite sometime, I do admit.
I've shouldered so many things these past few months, and it's only now that I've been able to breathe. Seriously, I can't even believe that we're almost at the end of March.
Work has been extremely busy and how I wish it had a better atmosphere, but that would be such a lie. Who knew that in the presence of women, everything ugly can happen.
Love is still the same, and yes, we're okay, I think.
Weird, just when I felt like blogging, I've lost the appetite for it. Weird.
Till then my loves.:)
I, the Lioness, have been quiet for quite sometime, I do admit.
I stand on top of everything, and for a moment, I just want to breathe everything in and get caught in the spectacle of it all.
Somehow, I have no idea how everything will turn out. Don't we all? I just can't help but wish that everything will be okay.
Love could or would probably conquer all... Is life enough for that?
For the past few weeks, I have been trying to put my thoughts into this little haven of mine. However, due to the stress and worries my days were filled with, I opted for rest instead. Sometimes, I don't know how I still breathe evenly and smile.
Now, it's a new year, and just like everyone, I believe in a new start.
Ironically, 2008 was supposed to be the year (according to my Chinese astrology) that would create a good outcomes if I were careful. So, like everyone else, I was very happy to face the new year. I decided to give the profession I studied for in college, another try. I also found myself in a relationship, wherein things were the way I hoped for them to be. Honestly, I really felt like I was Susie Sunshine-- it was finally my place under the sun.
I was wrong. In the middle of the year, I found myself experiencing something women are never supposed to go through. I learned how to distrust men, even close friends, because of one guy who I knew since I was in high school. My career path was going nowhere. I thought, it couldn't be any worse, right? Until last December, 3 members of my family were having health problems. It didn't help also that as the lover and I reached our monumental first year anniversary, we ended up getting into a big fight, and almost broke up.
Don't get me wrong, the year certainly has brought good things also. We were blessed with the first niece and great-grand-daughter for my grandmother in my mom's clan. I was blessed with an even stronger faith. I became even stronger in an emotional aspect, and I learned how I could be a better person.
I know this year could be bad, it also could be good. Besides, in a few more months, I will be reaching the 25th year mark of my life. I'm more prepared now for things that could or could not happen.
Instead of wishing for things out of reach, or even making resolutions that I never do, I'll just live day by day, doing the best that I can absolutely do for me, and everyone around me. No more wishing for gargantuan amounts of happiness, inspiration, luck, or whatever. What matters is that I was able to produce little by little things that have more worth for me.
The best thing to definitely keep me inspired is to remember the many things that I've been blessed with. I'm grateful and thankful for a mom, that despite the distance, has never made me doubt her love or feel less loved. I'm blessed with a cousin that loves me, and cares for me, for the angel that I am, and the devil that I could be. I am surrounded by wonderful people that I call my friends who have never failed in supporting me, filling me with positive things and loving me. I'm thankful for having a lover who has stood by me through a tumultuous year and at the end of the day still loves me. Most of all, I was blessed to have the best kind of love. The kind of love that makes me fear and want more love to offer to our Heavenly Father. I was blessed to have gotten to know Him early on, and a curiosity to know Him even more.
Truly, with all these things, who am I to be not inspired?
How do you deal?
It's been a blurry couple of weeks. Although everything is doing well with love, things are falling apart with my life direction and family. It just doesn't seem to help that the women I've grown up with and regarded as one of the many pillars in my life (due to the lack of parental presence throughout the latter part of my teenage years till now) seem to be just human after all.
....I guess, it comes in each and everyone's lives when death just manages to pinch and remind you, of how fleeting life is.
I maybe over-exaggerating a bit, but this is how I cope.. Unlike my family, where wearing your heart on your sleeve is looked upon with disdain, I embrace it. Somehow, I feel more human in doing so.
Before I left for a vacation to one of the beautiful islands of the Philippines, I knew that the health of my grandmother and aunt were a bit rocky. For as long as I know, my grandmother has been afflicted with arthritis . Nevertheless, she never tires of nitpicking and asking how my life is doing. She cackles just like how a witch would and also has that high-pitched shriek to boot. My cousins and I, would just laugh about it and shrug it off. Since she's the remaining grandparent that I have, I always try to go out of my way and just be there for her. Since she laughs and talks more whenever the lover's around, I always make it a point that she sees him constantly. Everyone makes a joke on how Mama is, and well, we just shrug it off at the end of the day. So, yes, sometimes we take her for granted.
Now, she's no longer the strong grandmother who can be oh-so-annoying and loud most of the time. Now, all she does is lie on her bed, sleep and listen to the tv. You don't even hear her high-pitch shriek, her cackles nor does she even entertain the lover anymore. Why? Because it pains her for us to see her like this. She's in so much pain that you can hear just how painful it is in her voice.
I know it's coming, and I can say, it's about time. She's been missing my grandfather for oh so long. She's seen us be the grown-ups that we are now, and even some of the cousins getting married. She's lived a long and strong life. I just don't know how to be prepared for it when it comes. I guess, I'm wishing that she didn't have to go through the pain that she's experiencing now. Selfish, I know, but I really want to hear her laugh again; tell me again about the many suitors that she had; how she met Papa and eventually had a family with him AGAIN.
As for my aunts, the ones who I get to talk to the most were found with masses in their breasts. One was diagnosed with stage 2 Cancer, and I know that there's still a chance. The family's been trying to deal with it as strongly as we can. My aunt's a fighter. She's so funny, and lovable, that out of all my aunts, the lover loves her the best. She's a true spitfire who wouldn't be scared to tell you off. However, I saw her mellow down when she met the doctor. I'm praying that there will be no chance of that devil coming back. I know that she can get through this.
The other aunt had a test done last week. Strange enough, a mass was seen and it was announced today. The doctor said that it could possibly be benign, but a biopsy will still be done. Because this aunt has no children, I've become her pseudo-child. I've planned to accompany her to the hospital, later this week.
Yes, I'm freaking out. Where do you find things like these? Only in dramas and soap operas do these things happen. However, I'm used to having a life that seems so weird and feels like it is an actual drama. There's a movie that's on the tip of my tongue, ugh, but I cannot remember it at all.
How do you deal? I've only really cried once, I feel like I'm about to burst. However, my heart goes out to my cousins, they're under more strain than I certainly am.
Lord, let your will be done.
Hey guys, check this out.:)
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I am proud that I am a Catholic.
I don't call myself an, "Educated Catholic," mainly because I still need to go through further studies with the faith. Just because I graduated from college, have a degree that makes a difference in people's lives and experienced in the realities of life, doesn't mean that I'm an, "Educated Catholic." I'm mainly an educated person.
I'm so irritated with how they say that, "EDUCATED CATHOLICS," are actually for it. When in truth, these so-called, "Educated Catholics," are considered educated because they have studied in s0 and so colleges. Whatever.
For a person to be "FOR" the RH bill, have you seen both sides of the coin? I've met people who are for and against it. I've met someone who's so passionate for it, and realized at the end of the day that she was actually wrong. To be a woman and for you to be for it, is really sad and scary. I respect what other people believe in when it comes to that bill. However, I believe that you have to study both sides.
The consequences that the RH bill will do to our country and our individuality says a lot. It's not about poverty or poor women. It's about us. Poverty, poor women, the problem with all of that is Health education and service. The government has not allocated the right resources for public health. As a nurse, I can seriously say that, that is true.
It's not about how the church is trying to meddle it's way in the government, or how the church should be separated from the state... it's how us, as Filipinos, who have been immersed in centuries old of Christian/Catholic values, are affected. It basically leads to having a hand in abortion, the cruelest sin of all. Killing someone is already bad, how about infanticide? I shall not go into detail how contraceptives (one of the main points in the RH Bill) has a hand in abortion. If you want to know, then message me privately.
I just wish that people would actually stop being so ignorant about it, and actually try to study it and listen. There's a reason why the church is so against it and why the Catholic congregation is trying to fight it.
Maybe then, something could be done. And like how the beauty pageant candidates would say how they want, "world peace," can actually happen.:(
It's been a while that I have actually felt that kind of love wherein you feel safe, secured and cherished.
Just like everyone, I've had my share of heartaches--which eventually lead to tears, depression and of course the worst thing that can happen, wishing life would end.
Honestly, when I was fairly young, I always (and I mean ALWAYS) experienced having the upper hand in relationships. I have my US upbringing to thank for, most often than not. I've learned how to love and still reserve almost half of myself, for me. I've learned how to disassociate certain things and love in the fair way. Don't get me wrong, I never treated my ex's bad. I was just too guarded and maybe reserved.
Somehow, somewhere along the way, I happened to shed all of that as soon as I stepped on the shores of the Philippines. I regret that a bit. For some weird reason, here in the Philippines, everyone just seems to offer everything when in love. For awhile, I felt really bad that I couldn't actually do that with the guys I ended up dating seriously. Until, I met someone who managed to rock my whole world. There and then, I realized how it was, and how it felt to actually love someone so much--so much that, I ended up giving my whole being to that person. Sad to say, that didn't go well.
Of course, that cliche thing they say that you have to go through it twice was true for me. I think I can truly say that, that's what happened to me.
Then, I met him. The lover was someone I knew then and had no interest at all in. Yes, he was the golden boy that the teachers loved, my friends had a crush on and basically the whole school was enamored with him. What was so different with him was, he wasn't that typical jock that would be seen with a different girl every week. He was that goody-goody poster boy that you could not find a flaw in. He had looks, brains, money and a good upbringing.
I was just interested in the opposite. Hahaha.
Surprisingly, a year ago, we bumped into each other. Sparks definitely flew, and we found ourselves attracted to each other that managed to rock our world. We're still together now. Most of the time, it's the best ride ever, but of course we manage to get on that infamous rollercoaster ride, without meaning to, every now and then.
It's uplifting to say that I love him and I still have something for myself. Gone were the immature stuff where I have to always look over my shoulder and be cautious. We're entirely different in things we love to do, and yet we manage to respect that. I knew I loved him, but after spending a week or so away from him, I never realized that I love him so much.:)
I'm extremely blessed to have someone like him in my life. I seriously pray that this will continue on, and that we will grow together as one.:)
Love has it's ways of reaching out to you and doing wonderful ways. I'm glad this came now. I thought I wasn't ready. However, I realized that just when you're not ready, they come knocking and sweeping you off your feet after all.:)
The Lioness just came from a celebration and a goodbye to a friend who is about to get married, and will leave the country thereafter.
Despite the fact that (switch to first person) I, am leaving for a province known for beaches in a few hours, and have postponed the mission to pack; decided to blog for a while and release some thoughts. Admittedly, I have neglected to update and blog what has been the on-goings of my life recently. I just didn't want to feel as if I forced my blogs. I blog when there is inspiration present, I guess.
Inspiration, it is.
The friend has been someone the Lioness has known for over 10 years. She is about the same age as I, and I believe she has been the happiest since I've ever seen her to be. I remember our kiddie days and trust me, she has always been pretty. However, seeing her now, she has truly grown into a lady. Someone who walks into a room and effortlessly lights up a room. She truly fits the expression, "Vavavoom." I remember the days when she was still a bit of a tomboy, and unsure of what she wanted for her future, and sure of what kind of love that she needed.
Now, she is endlessly blooming and filled with so much happiness! It takes more than words to actually describe how so much happiness emanates from her. Yes, the journey is about to start. It will be filled with good and bad things, but how you get through it matters.:) I believe in marriage; I believe in love; and most of all, I believe in the fact that two people who meet at the center of everything and manages to overcome all have certainly more than today to wake up to.:)
I raise my glass of Merlot for the wonderful woman that I've shared tears and laughter with.:) To more shawarmas and more.:)
So, where am I getting at?
I was asking myself the same exact question.
Just a week ago, I couldn't help being excited for this trip. Look at today, it's already Friday. I wrote the first part of this blog last Sunday.
How many did I miss doing? What was I actually able to do? See, there's so many things that I could've, should've done.
But instead of just planning, making up a list and actually trying to be sure if everything was said and done according to plan, I threw it all in the wind.
You gotta live life to the exact moment.
You just don't know when you will be swept off your feet.
Phew. I daresay, that was a long title!
I just came from a really nice event. Sorry boys, I know you absolutely cannot relate! I think that somehow, some of your kind must abhor thinking about the pleasures and activities of women!
However, some actually celebrate the fact that the Lord blessed you men of our kind.:)
In Belle de Jour, we celebrate what it entirely means to be a woman of modern times. Today, was an eye opener of sorts. Those who have been religiously following the Belle de Jour Power Planner, have been updated with news and events that the company has done, were extremely rewarded tonight.:)
Don't we all love free stuff? The Lioness was astounded with the many gifts Belle de Jour has given to its loyal and devoted fans. See, this is THE RIGHT WAY on how you treat your customers. They must have brainstormed to the point that the juices of their brains have dried up. I have not seen customers so full with information and material stuff since.....well, ever!
Kudos to Darlyn Ty and her friend Trisha Andres for coming up with this beautiful planner!
Take note, this is not a paid blog nor am I a friend who wants to plug to help her friend. I am just one of the loyal customers that have not been disappointed nor forgotten -- not even for a minute! It shows how great this company has been and I daresay, this has been the best planner for the modern woman the Lioness is!:)
Yay for order (in a fun way) in my life and freebies!!
May Belle de Jour continue on! We will support you!:)
On a day where fights and confusion filled the air, I have forgotten to listen, learn and observe the many things that I usually pay attention to.
You know how sometimes you can just hear things and not really understand what they mean? When you get scolded or in a fight, people just let everything in one ear and go out in the other. We don't usually understand the what, why and how of those situations. We just let it flow like the wind, unseen, felt and taken for granted.
Do you see how the many languages used in the world, most of them are taken for granted? I remember watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and was struck by what Carmen had to say something about it. She was rehearsing her lines with a fellow actor, and she said something that goes, why don't we talk like this anymore? By this, she meant talking with the Renaissance language, filled with romance and mystery.
Love Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no, it is an ever-fixèd mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his heighth be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Have you listened with your eyes and heard with your heart? Now this I might get a beating from the grammar experts. Moments wherein you find yourself relying heavily on the sense of seeing and by merely observing, you catch yourself learning a lot more than you expected. I find myself lost in the meaning, as if someone was singing to me in a foreign language, yet I can still understand it through the feelings it has evoked in me.
Listening is different from hearing. By just hearing, I fail to understand the truth; I fail to see the whole picture. Listening, on the other hand, is like a door that brings to you a lof of mysterious opportunities.
I fear though that I have listened too much and have stumbled on certain information that can either make me or break me. To think that I, myself, thought that I have thrown it all away as the wind passed by my window several years ago.
Happy birthday donkey..
I can hardly speak, I understand.
Why you can't raise your voice to say?"
- Run by Snow Patrol