Oh hodgepodge.  

Posted by: The Lioness in ,

How do you deal?

It's been a blurry couple of weeks. Although everything is doing well with love, things are falling apart with my life direction and family. It just doesn't seem to help that the women I've grown up with and regarded as one of the many pillars in my life (due to the lack of parental presence throughout the latter part of my teenage years till now) seem to be just human after all.

....I guess, it comes in each and everyone's lives when death just manages to pinch and remind you, of how fleeting life is.

I maybe over-exaggerating a bit, but this is how I cope.. Unlike my family, where wearing your heart on your sleeve is looked upon with disdain, I embrace it. Somehow, I feel more human in doing so.

Before I left for a vacation to one of the beautiful islands of the Philippines, I knew that the health of my grandmother and aunt were a bit rocky. For as long as I know, my grandmother has been afflicted with arthritis . Nevertheless, she never tires of nitpicking and asking how my life is doing. She cackles just like how a witch would and also has that high-pitched shriek to boot. My cousins and I, would just laugh about it and shrug it off. Since she's the remaining grandparent that I have, I always try to go out of my way and just be there for her. Since she laughs and talks more whenever the lover's around, I always make it a point that she sees him constantly. Everyone makes a joke on how Mama is, and well, we just shrug it off at the end of the day. So, yes, sometimes we take her for granted.

Now, she's no longer the strong grandmother who can be oh-so-annoying and loud most of the time. Now, all she does is lie on her bed, sleep and listen to the tv. You don't even hear her high-pitch shriek, her cackles nor does she even entertain the lover anymore. Why? Because it pains her for us to see her like this. She's in so much pain that you can hear just how painful it is in her voice.

I know it's coming, and I can say, it's about time. She's been missing my grandfather for oh so long. She's seen us be the grown-ups that we are now, and even some of the cousins getting married. She's lived a long and strong life. I just don't know how to be prepared for it when it comes. I guess, I'm wishing that she didn't have to go through the pain that she's experiencing now. Selfish, I know, but I really want to hear her laugh again; tell me again about the many suitors that she had; how she met Papa and eventually had a family with him AGAIN.

As for my aunts, the ones who I get to talk to the most were found with masses in their breasts. One was diagnosed with stage 2 Cancer, and I know that there's still a chance. The family's been trying to deal with it as strongly as we can. My aunt's a fighter. She's so funny, and lovable, that out of all my aunts, the lover loves her the best. She's a true spitfire who wouldn't be scared to tell you off. However, I saw her mellow down when she met the doctor. I'm praying that there will be no chance of that devil coming back. I know that she can get through this.

The other aunt had a test done last week. Strange enough, a mass was seen and it was announced today. The doctor said that it could possibly be benign, but a biopsy will still be done. Because this aunt has no children, I've become her pseudo-child. I've planned to accompany her to the hospital, later this week.

Yes, I'm freaking out. Where do you find things like these? Only in dramas and soap operas do these things happen. However, I'm used to having a life that seems so weird and feels like it is an actual drama. There's a movie that's on the tip of my tongue, ugh, but I cannot remember it at all.

How do you deal? I've only really cried once, I feel like I'm about to burst. However, my heart goes out to my cousins, they're under more strain than I certainly am.

Lord, let your will be done.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2008 and is filed under , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


if i were in the same situation maybe i'll end up sulking in one corner. but LIFE GOES ON and problems and trials are inevitable.

but hey, i know you know you know the good news. God never left you and He's just a prayer away. You're right Let HIS WILL BE DONE.


Nothing's ever easy. But hey, that's what friends are for, too. To help, or just distract you from real-life hell *hugs*

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